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Hockey And Beers That’s Why I’m Here Polo Shirt

Think about our ancestors who came here in the opposite of a safe space. No expert was advising them to come here. Like marshmallow top sweet potatoes. It’s unique to America. We’re number one, because we won’t take number two from anyone. So we ditch the masks. But why stop there? While we’re at it, let’s decide on other crap that we’re tired of. Like those stupid little circles on the ground.

Where you’re supposed to stand in line. I just want to buy Preparation H at Wal-Mart without having to play the CDCs version of Twister. And enough with bringing your disgusting reusable bag to the store. It’s got more bacteria in it than Tommy Lee’s hot tub. Let’s get back to paper or plastic and stop charging us for it. That Green New Deal is all about the green I’m afraid. Seriously, remember how much fun it was to shop for food and the good old days?

The smells, the colors, the cereals, the checker who hates you because he wants laughed at her. I’m with her shirts? The produce section was therapeutic. Sure you never bought any vegetables, but it smelled great on your way to the freezer to grab beer and chicken nuggets. Oh man, in the deli section, being surrounded by all that meat takes me back to my wrestling days. And who needs all that meat? Turns out I need all that meat.

Seriously, there are like six kinds of salami. No wonder foreigners openly weep in front of the counter. In their shops back home the meat was made of wood. And let’s not forget the head cheese. Now we know what happened to Jimmy Hoffa. And let’s stop wiping down everything. I’ve never wiped so hard since that time as a kid when I thought ex-lax was leftover Halloween candy. That’s another poop joke. Let’s go to the angry white male one more time.

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TOM SHILLUE, AMERICAN STAND-UP COMEDIAN: New guidance from government officials? Let me guess. Does it say ignore everything we say and live your life like a free individual? Like someone who makes his own decisions about his own life? Is that what it says? Because that’s kind of what I’ve been doing. You know what? Why don’t we assume that’s what it says?

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